The guts to walk in a tattoo or piercing studio
On holiday in Czech Republic. By car. I love to check out tattoo shops everywhere I go, be it on google maps or in real life. But most of times I will be too scared to enter the actual shop. I don’t know what I want. Just to look around, a piercing, a tattoo? And I’m picky too! Are they good? Are they hygienic? But still I would love to bring back a souvenir. But so far it never happened. They don’t have that much tattoo or piercing shops in Czech Republic, most of them are in Praha or Brno. We’re staying closer to Praha so I think we’ll be going there. The tattoo shops and piercing shops in Prague get good reviews… even though it doesn’t really mean much. I always like to look at someone’s work before I get something done.
But this time, this time is different. This time I will walk in one of those studios and get either a piercing or a tattoo, even if it’s only a very small thing. ThenI will have reached a personal milestone.
Because I’m always scared to walk inside. I had the same problem in London. I walked right past The Circle. An awesome tattoo shop – or so Instagram tells me – . Tamara Lee Dot, an artist from there makes amazing stuff with dotwork and I would absolutely love to get something by her, preferably my entire left arm. I could have walked right in there but I was too scared. I don’t know why.
My husband, Henri, has no tattoos or piercings of any kind and doesn’t either really have the wish to get one in the future either. He doesn’t have to, I love him just as he is. I can’t even really picture him with a piercing or tattoo or any other sort of body modification. Well, maybe with a tattoo, on his lower arms or on his legs or something like that. I think it would suit him actually. But I don’t think he should get it because he thinks it’s just kinda cool. But other other hand, maybe he should, if that’s the way he thinks about it.
The fact it’s not really his thing doesn’t really help to be honest. I tend to feel guilty when or if he has to wait on me while I’m getting tattooed. Even though he often tells me it doesn’t bother him at all.
Anyways, I’m very shy. Me? Yes, me. When I’m wokring I put on a sort of mask. I’m not Emmie anymore but Soesha. At that point I can sort of push myself right over my boundaries and insecurities and I often think I shouldn’t be a baby about it either. But when it comes to my own modifications I find myself in a sort of clinch because I shouldn’t get anything that I could regret later on.
I still feel naked though. As if I just got my first piercing. As if I’m still in school. And that’s odd really, especially when others don’t see me that way at all – as far as I know anyway. And there you thought tattooed people were always tough and bad ass. Well, I don’t think so. I certainly am not. If I didn’t have the barrier of insecurity or shyness – or whatever you might want to call it – and a slightly langer wallet, and just a tad less ADHD, I probably would have had more tattoos and piercings and such. But maybe I would have had more regrets then as well, maybe.
So far there’s only one. One tattoo I sort of regret. I recently talked with Lucas about getting it lasered. I was too scared, there I go again. I was scared that it would hurt. And on ther other hand I never really seriously thought about getting it lasered either. I sometimes played with the idea, but never as a concrete plan. Then I talked about it with Lucas – from PiratePiercing – and some time later I came to the studio to work and he had left the laser machine for me. All for nothing in the end. I felt so bad. But because of that we talked about blacking out the spot and scarring an ace of spaces over it. I think that would be awesome because I want to get the experience of a smuch bodymods as possible, even i fit would be just to know what it’s like. I don’t find all mods esthetically pleasing, personally but small stuff would be kinda cool and this way I could make something I don’t like pretty. Because when you scare in a blacked out tattoo, the scar tissue becomes the normal skin colour. I love that idea.
Anyways, I would have liked to have more tattoos but I’m too shy to walk in most tattoo shops for the same reason as I don’t like to go shopping. “Can I help you?” What am I looking for? Do I know that yet? And if I do, I’ve written it down and it has to be excatly as I’ve planned. But then the artist has his or her own idea to make it pretty, which I would probably love but I’m not prepared fort hat. Control freak. Yep, taht too. I’m flexible, but because of that ADHD thing it always takes longer for me to actually grasp the idea and to realize if I would like it and if I would keep liking it. Which I find quite important for something you’re going to get that is intented to stay on your body for the rest of your life, right?
But this time, this holiday, I want to try and do it. Maybe I can. Then I will be able to say I have passed a personal milestone. Who knows it might even make the nest one easier and I’ll become a little less picky or a little less insecure, or both.